Crawling
by Summer Flare1
Summary: Yay ffnet is back!! This is a songfic wth Linkin Park's Crawling. I'm pretty sure it will become a chapter story but not if I don't get a good responce. It will also be a Quiefer but the first chapter centers on Seifer and voics in his head. r/r thanx!


Yay!!! Fanfiction.net is back!! *weeps with joy*. This kinda goes inside Seifer's mind a few weeks after the game ends. This is a little disturbing well in my opinion anyway. Legal stuff now; I do not own ffviii at all. I do not own the song Crawling, Linkin Park does, not me so don't sue me. Read and review, man its good to be back! Thanx  
  
  
Crawling  
Chapter1: Crawling  
  
  
Crawling in my skin  
These wounds, they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real  
  
  
I have to get out, somebody help me oh Hyne Help me!!! What's happening to me, I..I can't think, everything is so screwed up. Why would Matron do this to me? Why won't these voices stop?!! I can't take it!!   
  
  
All I wanted was to live my dream, I thought she would help me, she always did in the past. I cant even remember my dreams unless she lets me, she supplies them to use me in her little game. But I cant stop it, if I loose my dreams I loose everything.  
  
  
What is happening to me? I feel so much like a monster, why can't I stop the pain, why can't I stop the darkness WHY WHY?!!!!!  
  
  
  
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface  
Consuming, confusing  
This lack of self control I fear is never ending  
Controlling  
  
I can't seem  
To find myself again  
My walls are closing in  
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)  
I've felt this way before  
So insecure  
  
  
I put my hands over my ears, there is too much noise too many confusing voices in my head. I cant even tell which one is my own anymore they all sound exactly the same but there are so many its like I'm screaming all the time.  
  
  
"The world hates me."  
  
  
"Nobody cares about me except Matron."  
  
  
"They are all out to destroy me."  
  
  
"I am are worthless."  
  
  
"Nobody could ever love me, nobody."  
  
  
"I am a bastard child that's why I was an orphan," they all say these things but its like I'm thinking it. I am thinking it, maybe. I don't know anymore, I can't take it, who am I which one is me.   
  
  
"Revenge."  
  
  
"Revenge."  
  
  
"Revenge."  
  
  
"Kill them all."  
  
  
"Kill them all."  
  
  
"Kill them."  
  
  
"Kill them."  
  
  
"Kill," that's it THAT'S IT!!!  
  
  
Crawling in my skin  
These wounds, they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real  
  
  
  
"LET ME GO!!!!!!!" I scream, I don't want to hurt everyone but what if I am thinking those things what if one of those voices is mine. Somebody kill me before I kill somebody.   
  
  
"Help me..." I whimper before falling to my knees and crying. My cries echoed   
off the walls but the echoes sounded like laughter, people laughing at me.  
  
  
"I'm pathetic, look at me sitting here like a pansy crying."  
  
  
"I'm so pathetic."  
  
  
"I'm so pathetic."  
  
  
"I'm so pathetic," they all chanted this over and over for hours upon hours, until it   
was engraved in my head, I am pathetic.  
  
  
Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me  
Distracting, reacting  
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection  
It's haunting how I can't seem...  
  
To find myself again  
My walls are closing in  
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)  
I've felt this way before  
So insecure  
  
  
  
I take out my Hyperion and look at it, I could end it now. It would be so easy to just slash it through my neck. Death would be instantaneous. I don't want to die I just want it all to stop, I want them to just stop!  
  
  
"Always taking the easy way out."  
  
  
"Never looking before I leap."  
  
  
"So foolish."  
  
  
"So alone, but who would miss me?" shut up!! I just want them to shut up, I haven't slept in so long I don't even know where I am. I used to be able to stand it  
back when I was in Lunatic Pandora but they just keep screaming and screaming and screaming I can't take it.  
  
  
Crawling in my skin  
These wounds, they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real  
  
  
  
I press the Hyperion to my neck ready to die to make everything go away, ready for that endless sleep. The voices are getting loader and loader, just because they know I'll do it and it will all be over.  
  
  
"Seifer?" its a different voice, one that's not coming from my head but from the outside would. It was Quistis. I can't talk right, my mind isn't working but I can manage something, I have to manage something, the only thing I can say.  
  
  
"Make them stop," I whisper looking at her with my tear streaked face, she was concerned but it was to late to be concerned far to late.  
  
  
"Who?" she asked kneeling down to be at the same height I was.  
  
  
"The voices just wont stop they wont let me go," I don't even know what I'm saying, I don't know if its a plea for help or just an ending to my story, so people will know what really happened. "Damn Ultimecia."  
  
  
"Seifer Ultimecia is dead, we killed her a few weeks ago."  
  
  
"But she won't let me go," there was silence for a moment except for my heavy   
breathing. Quistis reached towards me, I automatically moved back. I cant trust anybody now, my world is to jumbled.  
  
  
"They are all out to get me," a voice in my head says, Quistis cant hear it of course but it screams for me, it kills me.  
  
  
"Dispel," she whispers and a red light surrounds me. I know its no use I had tried it before but it doesn't work. The light fades...  
  
  
Crawling in my skin  
These wounds, they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real  
(There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface  
Consuming, confusing  
This lack of self control I fear is never ending  
Controlling)  
  
  
  
...And the voices stop. I smile and begin to cry out of happiness and sadness. I'm sad because I know it will take a long time to heel these wounds. It will be a long time until I'm able to trust somebody again, but now I trust Quistis. Quistis, the one who saved my life and my sanity, barely.  
  
  
I drop my Hyperion and she takes me into embrace and I cry into her shoulder.  
  
  
"Thank you," I whisper, maybe now my life will come together.  
  



End file.
